Women, Women...

Interesting and funny e-mails received about women: Two women meet in heaven, Women Language (What she actually means) and 11 People on a rope. (Updated 7/26/2006)

 

2 women meet in heaven

 

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

 

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

 

1st woman: I froze to death.

 

2nd woman: How horrible!

 

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

 

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

 

1st woman: So, what happened?

 

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

 

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive!

 


 

Women's English. (What she actually mean)

 

1. Yes = No

 

2. No = Yes

 

3. Maybe = No

 

4. We need = I want...

 

5. I'm sorry = You will be sorry

 

6. We need to talk = You are in trouble.

 

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

 

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later.

 

9. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

 

10. Look at me when you talk to me = Why you lookint at my... (something interesting)

 

11. I need to go freshen up = I need to use the restroom

 

12. You are certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

 

13. How do I look = I'm getting fat, I hope no one notices.

 

14. I don't think we should do anything = I wanna ....

 

Ooooppss... this email is going "Adult intended only". Sorry, my web page is rated "G", so I guess you need to imagine what she actually means.

 


 

11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE (Sent by B Brown)

 

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.

 

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

 

She said that she would voluntarily let go off the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.....

 

(yeah, we, men, are stupid)

 


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